The Dust it Off Blog Hop, hosted by the lovely ladies, Theresa Paolo and Cortney Pearson!!
In case you haven't heard, here is the idea:
We've all had those manuscripts that we poured our heart into, fell in love with the characters and still think of them at random, but unfortunately had to shelf. Now it's time for a little spring cleaning. Take out those manuscripts and Dust It Off!
The first day, May 3rd: We want you to post a 1-2 sentence pitch (Great way to practice pitches) about the shelved WIP.
The second day, May 5th: Post your favorite excerpt (300-350 words)
The third day, May 7th: Post what you learned from this WIP. You become a stronger, more rounded writer which each manuscript and we want to know what this particular work taught you.
A pitch, eh? How... fun? haha. :)
I think one of the many problems with my first manuscript, CHILDREN OF INAOS: SACRIFICE, is it is nearly impossible to put it into a one or two sentence pitch. But, those are the rules, and we know that in the wonderful world of finding an agent, a pitch is usually necessary... so here we go!
Children of Inaos: Sacrifice
When fourteen-year-old Ava Shore is framed for the murder of the King, she flees to the most dangerous part of the country where a feared gang offers her their protection. But when the life of a friend from the past is threatened, Ava is forced out of hiding, not only to save her friend, but to reveal the secrets only she knows.
See the problem here? How generic is this story? Haha!
I think the story does have many good aspects to it but since it was my first story, there just isn't enough hook in order to catch the eye of an agent or publisher.
But gosh is it fun revisiting it. :) The writing isn't too terrible :)
Lol, it's not that bad! I've seen much worse :D
ReplyDeleteYeah, I agree. It isn't too bad, Kelley. :)
ReplyDeleteMy pitch is not that great either, I didn't spend as much time on it as if I were doing an agent contest. And I broke the rules. I went over 2 sentences. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I think is interesting about yours is a 14 year old framed for murder--how does that happen? A 14 year old is not your average age for murderers, so that part intrigues me.
It sounds good to me! I have a story like that, where there's just SO MUCH going on that it's hard to boil down to a short pitch and have it sound interesting still, lol. I'm curious about the secrets only Ava knows, mwa ha ha...
ReplyDeleteIt's not as bad as you think, but I feel your pain. For my dusting off I came up with something last night, but I don't think it touches on the range of the story. Ah, well. I've found the best people to help me with pitches are those who have read the ms. I let them tell me what they think its about and go from there.
ReplyDeleteBy the way this was still enough to make me curious.
Generic? I think not. It cought my attention. Yes it still has some aspects that have probably been discovered before but everyone has their own version and unique story. I'd read it. I want to know her secrets.
ReplyDeleteIt's something I would read. The gang part hooked me. =)
ReplyDeleteI think something is missing about the secrets. That seems to be important. (highly classified secrets? deadly secrets?)
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could put this sentence into a more active voice - "But when the life of a friend from the past is threatened, Ava is forced out of hiding, not only to save her friend, but to reveal the secrets only she knows."
Framed for the murder of the King, fourteen-year-old Ava flees to a dangerous town and receives protection from a feared gang, but when her friend’s life is threatened, Ava rejects her refuge and risks her life as she reveals secrets to save her friend.
It's not that bad. :)
ReplyDeleteYour entry for the Voice is anything but generic, so I guess you've learned a lot! It's such a unique idea. Good luck!
Pitches are hard. For an added dose of humility, I used my original pitch for my project on my blog. Yeah, that's humbling...
ReplyDeleteAnd I like the sound of this. Pitches are hard.
I'm also intrigued that a 14 yr old could be suspected of murder--and of a King?
ReplyDeletei like it! i want to know the secrets! and it does remind me a tad of snow white...
ReplyDeleteIt sounds good. I'm intrigued about the king and the secrets she knows ... And how the hell a 14 yo was framed for murder? See, I'm intrigued!
ReplyDeleteBoy, am I familiar with "Wait...only TWO sentences?" Haha. I think you did a good job of it, though I don't know the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Kells. Your genre has changed quite a bit! Your cricket project sounds way different! Verrrry fun! :D
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty good, Kelley. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteHey, you did an awesome job putting it into two sentences. Good work!
ReplyDeleteOh Sacrifice! I loved this story and still do. It also is the story that sent you looking for a critique partner so I owe it everything :)
ReplyDeleteAnd listen to you, can't write a pitch my ***. lol I think you did pretty dang good!
I don't think it's generic at all. It sounds pretty good to me!
ReplyDeleteI don't think 14yo being framed for murder is generic. But even if it is, the pitch doesn't make it sound that way, so great job.
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds good!
ReplyDelete