If you're looking for my first entry for the Dust it Off Blog Hop you can find it here.Wow, I was literally shaking as I frantically refreshed my browser to try and get into The Writer's Voice competition hosted by Cupid of Cupid’s Literary Connection, Brenda Drake of Brenda Drake Writes, Monica B.W. of Love YA, and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.).
Thanks to all of you for doing this!
Query: THE CRICKET PROJECT (YA Science Fiction)
Sixteen year old Lyra Altair, a genius by every measure, is
thoroughly perplexed. Stars don’t fall out of the sky and they most certainly
don’t just disappear. But Spica, of the constellation Virgo, is gone.
Lyra approaches her father, lead astronomer for Space Exploration
and Discovery (SEAD) but her questions go unanswered and that is unacceptable.
Sneaking into his place of employment, Lyra discovers the
StarCatcher, a machine which captures stars and uses their energy to grant any
wish desired. Those within the perimeter of the SEAD building at the time of
the wish are the only people who know the world has been altered.
AIDS ceases to exist and a natural disaster is averted. But when
a terrorist group attacks, the United States ’
government has little patience left. They want to use the StarCatcher to force countries
housing radicals to become US territories, allowing them to root out the
terrorists and bring the planet one step closer to world peace.
Lyra’s had her world changed without her consent and is
horrified countries will lose their sovereignty via a wish upon a star. She pleads
with her dad, but he pushes it off as the government’s problem. His interests lie
in science. With no other option, Lyra turns to the electronic genius of her
best friend, Darren, putting both his freedom and her own on the line.
They must reveal The Cricket Project and let the world decide
what wishes are worth the price of a star.
First 250 words
“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the best interview in the history of
interviews. But give yourself a break, Lyra. It was your first one,” Darren
tries to assure me, raising his head of thick, black hair from the telescope. I
let him go first because I’m too busy wallowing in my pathetic attempt at an
interview after our high school Academic Decathlon competition. Which now,
thanks to the nightly news, just played for all of Arizona to see.
“I looked like a total
nerd. A loser. Self absorbed. I worked
really hard.” I repeat the words from my interview in a mocking tone,
tucking my hands into my flannel shirt.
Darren shrugs, not
bothering to look up from the scope. “You are
a nerd.” His dark brown, almost black eyes meet mine. “But you’re not a loser.”
I give him a fake pout
and twirl my hair, not bothering to stop the annoying habit. A few pieces are
stuck in my fingers after I’m done and I discard the strawberry blonde strands
out the window of the tree house.
Darren cocks his head
and comes to sit next to me. “If everyone knew you like I do, they’d know
you’re not self absorbed…most of the time.”
A
small smile spreads across my face. It’s an automatic reaction to Darren’s. He punches
me lightly on the shoulder. “You work really hard and expect a lot from
yourself and others. Most people don’t live up to your expectations. We leave
you disappointed.”
Yay! Love what you did with the query, and your first 250 definitely drew me in! :D
ReplyDeleteHi Kelley, I'm stopping by from the Writer's Voice Contest to wish you the best of luck! I'm following your blog now, so: nice to meet you.
ReplyDeleteYour story and query both look great, too.
those 250 words sucked me in! Love Lyra's voice :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I tried to get in, but you know how Mr. Linky is... I love this project and I hope you do well.
ReplyDeleteOh, what fun!!! Best of luck with the competition. :)) Your premise is intriguing! Query, pitch and first 250 are in super shape!!
ReplyDeleteAhhh so awesome!! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI still love this premise, Kelley, and the excerpt is great. Good luck to you!!
ReplyDeleteAw, the two of them are so cute! And that sounds like such a thrilling story--I love the whole idea! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Kelley. I'll be cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting in, Kelly, and good luck to you! I love this premise.
ReplyDeleteexcellent work! how did you come up with it? far out!!
ReplyDeleteI am so fascinated by this premise!! And from the first 250 words I can tell you that it's definitely something I would read :)
ReplyDeleteYay! You're in too! :D good luck!
ReplyDeleteFellow Writers Voice entrant checking in - howdy!
ReplyDeleteThis looks like a great concept - very exciting! Good luck!
So happy you got in. This project SOO needs to be seen by these agents. ;0)
ReplyDeleteGood luck, babe. ;0)
Just popping by to wish you luck! YA Science Fiction is hot right now and I love your take on it!
ReplyDeleteGreat use of the "wish upon a star" concept; I LOVE the title. Best of luck from TWV #30!
ReplyDeleteRocks!! Sweet post!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck Kelley! Sounds great. I want to read it. :)
ReplyDeleteYou got in!!!! They are going to fall in love with Darren I know I did :)
ReplyDeleteI have one word:
ReplyDeleteDamn.
I want to read it right now.
So great, Kelley! And congrats for making in the contest!
ReplyDeleteGood luck and congrats with getting in! I love your voice in the 250 words! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to wish you luck in the contest. Great opening lines! I'd love to read more!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great premise! Wish upon a star has never seemed so...diabolical before. :D Good luck with this!
ReplyDeleteOoo, awesome twist on a familiar phrase! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWow #7, you were Quick-draw McGraw this morning! :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNice voice! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat to see you got in! I'd keep reading :)
ReplyDeleteI'm way too excited to come up with coherent words for this. :)
ReplyDeleteEeeeeep!!!!
Congratulations on making the list, best of luck with your fantastic entry ^_^
ReplyDeleteGood luck and congrats! Like your start!
ReplyDeleteStopping by to say good luck as one contestant to another!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you. Way to go!
ReplyDeleteLove that excerpt too.
Wow, so cool! Good luck!
ReplyDelete-Alex #85
Nice twist on the simple wishing on a star concept. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteEntry #31
Best of luck from a fellow contestant! You really drew me in!
ReplyDeleteNikki (Entry #160)
Yaaaay, Kelley! I loved your excerpt. :D
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you! This sounds like a very interesting story :)
ReplyDeleteThis premise sounds very unique and I'd love to read more. Good luck!
ReplyDelete-George (#49)
I was too scared to do this! You are braver than me, haha :) Good luck, I'm cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteI really like the premise. Amazing what we take for granted isn't it? Seems like you might have an analytic mind like Lyra. Good luck from #52!
ReplyDeleteI wish you much luck with this. Someone, somewhere, is going to take your work someday, mark my words.
ReplyDeleteOh I love the premise of this!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy quandaries, like – is it “ok” to snuff out another sun to do “good” for mankind. Thrilling premise, amazing potential. Good luck, though you don’t need it. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of this one!!
ReplyDeleteBest Wishes From Entry #165
- Random Andrews
Good luck! Really cool premise and great first page!
ReplyDeleteBrandi #199
Nice concept.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck!
Carolyn, #157
Your query is pretty good - I'd play up your hook more in the first graph but that's it, IMO. If you want any feedback on your first 250, email me at: rewrighter (at) gmail (dot) com. I'm not an expert by any means but I'd love to help if you are still looking for that. If not, LOVE your premise. Good luck!!
ReplyDelete