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| This sorta looks like Lucy, though she's a little too 'done up'. |
Thank you Jen Morris for reminding me about the post I was supposed to do today. Oh gosh, it's been one of those days already. :)
So, today Jen and I are SUPER excited to share our collaboration, a YA Contemporary called ALREADY THERE. Jen Morris is the voice of eighteen-year-old Charlie and I am the voice of Charlie's younger sister, Lucy.
And since we spent a while on the query, I might as well use that to give you an idea of what it is about. As always, if you have ANY feedback on the query or my first 250 words for Lucy PLEASE feel free to let me know.
And, to check out Charlie's first 250 words, written by Jen, go here.
For eighteen-year-old Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Grace, high school
is over and the most exciting road trip with her three best friends is on the
horizon. Far more exciting than her parents realize. The real reason to pack
everyone into her friend Hope’s BMW and hightail it from Chicago
to Los Angeles
is for the final round of a singing competition. First place wins a recording
contract.
| The clothing and body type is right for Lucy in this pic. Her face is more like the first one. |
Nothing will keep Charlie from the stage, the only thing
she’s remotely good at. So she takes Officer Lucy’s accompaniment and the visit
to the grandparents in stride. But when the girls lose the competition,
Charlie’s world falls flatter than sister Lucy’s chest.
She can’t go home to a life with no future and a father
waiting to ground her just-barely-adult ass. So Charlie convinces her parents
to let her and her sister spend the summer at their grandparent’s. After all,
they used to do this often. Years ago. When they had some things remotely in
common.
Though the ranch was chosen as a last resort, it might be exactly
what the two need. Amidst the horses, country air, and ranch hands, clarity for
Charlie and Lucy’s futures, as well as their relationship, rises to the top.
It’s not something they find. It’s something they realize is already there.
And the first 250 words from Lucy:
I hate when they do
this.
As Charlie would say, ‘Damned if I
do. Damned if I don’t.’
I wouldn’t say that because… well… I don’t really say anything. And if I do say something I most certainly wouldn’t
swear. My parents hate it when Charlie uses that kind of language.
Granted, they do pay attention to
her. Even if they are only telling her to behave.
The only time I come up in
conversation is when my parents use me to show Charlie how she should act.
Which then makes her despise me even more.
Mom’s talking to Charlie, though the
glazed-over look Charlie has says she’s not listening. And just under the glaze
of her eyes is a fire. That fire is meant for me. But it won’t roar to life
until we’re out of earshot from the parents.
I’ve heard rumblings of a road trip
to LA for a few weeks now. All closed door stuff. Charlie really doesn’t have
an inside voice so when she thinks she’s whispering to her girls over the
phone, I can make out about half the words through her bedroom door.
Not that I eavesdrop on purpose or
anything.
I’m not going to lie. I’d be totally
excited to go on this road trip with Charlie if it weren’t for two things.
Charlie hates me.
And Charlie really hates me.

Oh my gosh, Lucy is awesome!! Her voice is great! I love how we can already see how different Charlie and Lucy are from each of your first 250 words. Love, love this :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE where the 250 cuts off. LOL. Charlie doesn't hate you my babe, she just thinks you're REALLY annoying at this point. ;0)
ReplyDeleteYeah well... details details :) :) haha
DeleteCharlie’s world falls flatter than sister Lucy’s chest - LOL! I loved this.
ReplyDeleteI already feel sorry for poor Charlie if she's constantly compared to her sister and I feel sorry for Lucy if she doesn't ask for it and still gets the evil eye from Charlie. Love her voice. She seems to be the silent-but-observant type.
This sounds like it is going to be a heck of a read. Great collaberation. As for the first 250 words, I have to admit that her voice is so authentic it takes me back to when I was younger, hearing people comment to my older brother or my younger sister that they needed to be more like me - the nerdy, geeky, bookworm who made straight A's. Thankfully, if I my brother or sister hated me then, they were nice enough to only mention it if we did something to piss each other off lol!! Yeah, the voice is really good.
ReplyDeleteAs for the query, I like that some of the voice is noticeable in it as well. I wonder if there would be a way to combine the first two lines so it won't seem repetitive. Also perhaps combine two other paragraphs like so (or something much better, rather): Singing is the one thing Charlie is remotely good at, so with kid sister in tow, the road trip kicks into high gear. Her world falls flatter than Lucy's chest when they lose the competition, but going home to her father's judgement is out of the question. So Charlie convinces her parents to let her and Lucy spend the summer at the ranch. After all, they used to do this often. Years ago. When they had some things in common.
I love that this novel is about sisters, and that one of the settings is a ranch in Texas. It sounds like an awesomely sweet story. :D
ReplyDeleteWhat a great premise! And I like the idea of collaborating on the voices. Good idea. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like such a fun project! I love road trip stories. :)
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so great! Lucy's voice is awesome.
ReplyDeleteHere are my query suggestions:
1. I think your intro could be a little sharper. You don't need to say 18-year-old if we know Charlie just graduated and you called her barely legal. "Most exciting" and "more exciting" so close together are also a little redundant. We also don't need to know Hope's name yet.
2. The whole thing needs to be a little tighter. I took a whack at it below, feel free to disregard the following :):
For Charlotte "Charlie" Grace, a post-high school road trip isn't just a vacation--it's a chance to change her whole life. While her parents think Charlie and her friends are just going to be goofing off for (X amount of time), the real reason to pack four girls into one BMW and drive from Chicago to LA is a singing competition. First place wins a recording contract.
No one needs this contract more than Charlie, whose one talent is being on stage. So she's willing to accept her father's two conditions for going: her sixteen-year-old, super annoying, uber responsible sister, Lucy, gets to tag along, and the sisters have to visit their grandparent’s ranch in Sherman, Texas.
But when the girls (are they in a band? or were they competing individually? that would be interesting to know) lose the competition, Charlie’s world falls flatter than Lucy’s chest. She can’t go home to a life with no future and a father waiting to ground her just-barely-adult ass. So Charlie convinces her parents to let her and Lucy spend the summer at their grandparent’s. After all, they used to do this often. Years ago. When they had some things remotely in common.
Though the ranch was a last resort, it might be exactly what the two need. Amidst the horses, country air, and ranch hands, clarity for Charlie and Lucy’s futures, as well as their relationship, rises to the top. It’s not something they find. It’s something they realize is already there.
(I think the last paragraph is a little too vague and makes the query fall a little flat. You have great stuff with "flatter than Lucy's chest," "barely-legal-ass," and then this just sounds bland.)
The project sounds awesome - can't wait to hear more updates about it :)
So you get to do the annoying little sister? Very cool. I like the idea of the sisters. It seems like something different.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I need to read this whole story right now. :) Yay for setting it at a ranch in Texas! And I think I'm going to identify more with Lucy--she sounds a lot like me in a high school. Can't wait to see how the project comes along!
ReplyDeleteaw, Lucy! I have a feeling that even though she is the younger annoying sister, she'll be teaching Charlie a thing or two :)
ReplyDeleteLove her voice as much as I love Charlie's and I haven't even read it yet, LOL
Super concept and super voice - both in the query and your 250 words. Very much a book I would have read as a younger me. I love the sisters approach, too. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen do I get to read this!?!?
ReplyDeleteYou guys together is *such* a fabulous duo. Can't wait to see your success ;) Awesome job, gals. :D
ReplyDeleteI'm sold on this. You girls have worked hard!
ReplyDelete"...Charlie’s world falls flatter than sister Lucy’s chest."
ReplyDeleteHah! You two kill me. :D I love it!
1. I'm planning on naming my first daughter Charlie Grace after my niece...how cool is that?!
ReplyDelete2. You've sold me on Lucy's voice. I know what it's like to be the younger sibling that the other siblings despise because of what Mom and Dad say. I totally relate to her!!
I just stopped by Jenny's blog and I love what the two of you are doing with this. I love sister books, but this also has road trip in it! Yay! Very cool and wonderful ideas and words:)
ReplyDeleteWow this story has really drawn me in. Great job guys and the query's the best.
ReplyDeleteVery fun project. Love this voice. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THIS! Wonderful voice Kelley!
ReplyDeleteRu has done a good job. The voices and characters and distinct. I can sense the conflicts ahead.
ReplyDeleteWow, this sounds great! The voice is so present and fun. My only issue is, the query makes it sound like we're going to hear it from Charlie's POV, and then instead it's written in Lucy's. It was a little disappointing. But I like the way she sounds so much, and I can see why you wrote it that way. Very nice! ;)
ReplyDeleteI like Lucy's voice. The premise is great!
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo! You guys are going to rock it out! I really like how you split the girls's voices bewteen you two. It seems like such a clever way to collaborate
ReplyDeletethis sounds absolutely wonderful!
ReplyDeleteFabulous idea! It sounds like an exciting endeavor. :)))
ReplyDelete